Category: music
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own all the throes of your listlessness
I have a new song called “Chrysalis.” Here’s the “studio” recording on Soundcloud:
And here’s a video of me trying to sing it at you:
Enjoy! It won’t kill you.
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I could fall so easily
My cover of “Shrine,” originally by the Dambuilders, is now on iTunes, Soundcloud, and all the streaming things. Go get it. My original video is here.
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you draw the crowd and I’ll provoke it
“Dirty” – a new original song by me.
Lyrics:
Pulling tractors with your teeth
With bedroom slippers on your feet
It’s the end of the day and you’re still scheming
You invite me to play with youPlease excuse me if I’m late
I need to step on all these rakes
So embarrassed and bruised, I must be dreaming
That you still want me here with youNow I know we can’t just do anything we wantsta
Cuz I got the kids and you got the monster
But the house that you’re building is solid and sturdy
And it’s no big deal if we get a little dirtyOnce we get this off of our chest
We roll around in our beautiful mess
Is it crazy to think that I have a place here?
That I can be this way with you?What is it you’re afraid I’ll see?
You never need that mask with me
It feels crazy to think that we’re both safe here
Makes you wonder what we could doNow I’m try’na sort through my mental wreckage
You’re yelling at your laptop’s error message
We get rattled by our battles and we feel unworthy
So if we’re gonna get through it then we’re gonna get dirtyYou light the fire and I will stoke it
You draw the crowd and I’ll provoke it
You track the bear and I will poke it
I’ll poke the bear
Shit I just poked a bearNow you’re commander of the station
Mistress of the winter constellations
I’m a sad troubadour who’s finally singing
I’m writing this first song for youYeah neither one of us has ever learned to be flirty
You start gettin’ really silly and I get too wordy
But you’re grokin’ what I’m talkin’ when I’m rockin’ it nerdy
We can shower in an hour but for now we’re just dirtyYeah I don’t give a shit about how anybody ranks us
(You drop it like a hobbit when I’m poppin’ off Jersey)
It don’t matter that you’re scattered, my attachment style is anxious
(I’m stacking up the gadgets while you’re keeping it yurty)
Cause we’re cooler and we’re wiser now than we were in our thirties
(You’re scratchin’ it in Latin and I’m workin’ it qwerty)
We can weather it together so we better get dirty
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she tells me it’s already dead
A cover of “Shrine,” originally by the Dambuilders, performed by me, Paul.
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A solid bit, an easy laugh
“Running Gag”
An original song by me, Paul Fidalgo.Lyrics:
Alright, you know, how on Saturday Night Live they tell a
Joke, a lot, until it isn’t funny anymore
Well that’s as good a way as any to tell
You about myself and how I manage to
Relate to those unfortunate enough to find
Themselves involved in intimate relations with a
Man who can’t assemble a coherent personality
I guess that what I’m sayin’ is I’m aPunchline
A solid bit
An easy laugh
I can be your running gagHold on, I think that I just caught you crack a
Smile, a ray of hope that tells me that you might look
Past the crap and understand the little boy who
Had a lot of trouble making friends, okay
I’ll stop, you’re right, it’s probably too early to
Begin to dump the bullshit that I put up with when
I was twelve, but it’s kind of important if you
Want to know more about me than that I’m just aPunchline
A solid bit
An easy laugh
I can be your running gag
I’ll slay the crowds
I’ll impress your mom
I can be your stand-up manAnd I promise not to cry
In front of youRefresh my brain, what is it we were just talking
About? Oh yeah, I was going on about how
I can use self-deprecating humor as a
Way to hide, but we can change the subject but
Before we do I just want to be clear that I am
Not a nut; a little on the spectrum but I
Swear it’s not something you need to be concerned
About. Just keep on telling yourself that I’m just aPunchline
A solid bit
An easy laugh
I can be your running gag
I’ll slay the crowds
I’ll impress your mom
I can be your stand-up man
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This just came right out of the blue.
A cover of Marshall Crenshaw’s “Tell Me All About It,” performed by me, Paul.
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Like a sore thumb
“Jut”
An original song, written and performed by me, Paul.
Lyrics:
Back when I was lonely oh I could not comprehend
Why my species had decided that I was not one of them
Got my diagnosis and I wrestled with my pain
I made friends with my weirdness, now I’m lonely just the same
But perhaps I only serve as a reminder of the truth
That not everyone is beautiful or revels in their youth
And while no one will admit it we all feel it in our guts
That while all the pieces fit so nicely
All I do is jutI don’t know who to talk to and I don’t know who to trust
Though I’ve tried to imitate the moves the TV said I must
The glow from my small candle tells the world what I’m about
But its light reflects and redirects to something sticking out
Now I try to take into account my old proclivity
To presume that anybody’s given any thought to me
And I know that to all thoughts of hope my mind has long since shut
But that filthy fucking fact remains that
All I do is jutLike a sore thumb
Now I’m a tolerable person, by now I’m sure you’ve found
And you can have a beer with me when there’s no one else around
But I will understand it when your real friends arrive
If you excuse yourself politely and pretend I’m not alive
I could be a great companion, and a true friend to you all
But no one responds to questions or will answer when I call
Oh how much I’d love to reach out and pull myself out of this rut
But your averted gaze confirms that
All I do is jut
Like a sore thumb
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Phrases as frenetic as a moth’s flight
“Irregular Heart”
An original song, written and performed by me, Paul.
Lyrics:
Nearsight unseen
Our vitals had been phoned in
When you chose me and I chose youTonight it seems
I’m down to my last moment
Before this dream
Resolves into a dewNegotiating terms in our parlay
You’ve taken all my crimes into account
I strain my ears in hopes I’ll hear you say
You’ll measure out our days by keeping count
By the beat of my irregular heartA swarm of souls
But you stand out like a statue
It’s hard to spot the cracks within the stoneThe storm, it swells
But I’m too small to catch you
And now you lie in pieces there aloneBut I am here to make it all okay
Your fragments I will bring in from the cold
And when you’re reassembled, will you stay?
You’re not the same, at least now you are whole
With my irregular heartThe time signature is wrong
Maestro breaks his baton
Phrases as frenetic as a moth’s flightThe pattern’s hard to see
But soft, and listen patiently
To a love so true
That you
Could set your watch byYou caught me flinch
When you were standing right here
The kind of clue you prayed you’d never seeYou took an inch
But I offered you a light-year
You’ll be damned before you let me in that deepI know you don’t want me to get this way
But I sense your affections moving on
I must believe this love is still in play
It’s your heartbeat that makes this sound a song
With my irregular heart
pav alexander 